A note of things to say to her when the time came...
but when the time truly came..
Everything had already changed..
But I'll just share this note.. (removing the names of course)
The Note
Why I reacted that way.
I lost trust in you..
When you told me on Chinese new year that we had
to end it, my heart was confused..
You lied to me about sleeping.. You
gave away my love..
Threw away the respect and just forgot what trust was...
You left me helpless when u ended it...
I felt like everything was a lie..
Finding out 2 weeks later that you liked (removed) just made me think that
you left me for him..
Someone who has torn you before...
You may say that you found out you had feeling after it ended..
But I know that deep in your heart that isn't true...
You said you loved me... But I don't know what love means to you...
What does love mean to you?
To me love isn't just a feeling of wanting to be there with someone..
That's just infatuation...
To me love is the never ending need to care for someone..
Being there through the ups and downs of life..
Making that one person happy...
Even for the sake of your own hapiness..
Respecting one another..
Doing anything for that one..
And trusting everything to that person..
Did I not try hard enough?
I know I was all new to this... I did not know what to do...
I played it safe by not risking things...
I didn't want to lose you...
That's the only thing that kept me back...
You don't know just how much you meant to me..
Was it not enough to know someone that cared for you?...
To know someone that would have done anything to see you smile..
Make you laugh..
Someone that would never cheat on you..
Never leave you..
And never ever lie to you... I never lied..
Someone who actually loved you from the bottom of the heart?
I loved you...
Was I not enough..? Not good enough...
Not worth the effort...
Everything that mattered to me got lost that day...
I had my heart thrown back.. And I lost you...
You've never had anyone tell you that they didn't love you anymore...
You don't know what it's like to hear those words...
No amount of sorrys can soothe the pain of those words...
Only time..
But everytime I try and gain some ground back with you..
You just throw me down with more lies..
Hiding things from me..
Why would you do such a thing? To protect me?
Or to save the hassle for yourself...
Your were meant to be my friend...
My best friend...
Your meant to help me...
Not hurt me...
It felt like I was nothing to you..
Everything I say is taken by you like a pinch of salt..
You shut me out... You closed door to your heart..
The trust we had before the holidays just disappeared...
Where did it go?
Did you send it away to someone else?
Did I not deserve the love and trust?
Tell me... You said you loved me once... Why did you?
Out of pity?
(Blank here as there isnt an answer)
Well I fell in love with your... Your personality..
Your caring heart...
The way you speak.. Always happy.. Laughing...
The way your eyes gleamed when you smiled..
And when your heart was torn...
I felt the pain as well...
It was so sad to hear you cry...
In those moments Id just wish I could make everything better..
I also felt honored that you came to me...
I felt that you deserved better...
I thought I could be the one..
The one never to hurt you again..
The one you came to in the time of need..
The one you hold so tight where ever you may go..
The one who'd care for you..
To be the one you trusted....
To be the one you loved..
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